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When the nervous system is overwhelmed, self-compassion seems out of reach
One of the most common things I witness in my Reiki sessions is this: someone comes in feeling deeply overwhelmed, and on top of that overwhelm, they are frustrated with themselves for feeling that way. They tell me they “should” be able to handle it, that they know better, or that they’re just too sensitive. And I gently remind them that a dysregulated nervous system is not a mindset failure, it is an energetic state.
When you are overwhelmed, your energy contracts. Your shoulders tighten, your breath becomes shallow, your jaw clenches, and your heart subtly closes. This is not a weakness. This is your body's protection mechanism. Your nervous system shifts into survival: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, because somewhere inside, it perceives that something is too much. It might not be physical danger. It might be responsibility, pressure, emotional labor, unprocessed grief, or simply moving too fast for too long. In that state, your body is not asking to be improved. It is asking to feel safe.
Self-compassion lives in safety.
It lives in the parasympathetic state, where the body feels supported enough to soften. But when your system is activated, your brain becomes focused on scanning for problems and regaining control. And often, the problem it identifies is you. The inner critic gets louder. The tone becomes sharp and urgent. You may notice thoughts that question your capacity, your worth, or your strength. From an energetic perspective, this is survival energy attempting to stabilize. It feels convincing because it is charged with activation. But it is not your truth, it is your nervous system trying to protect you.
Regulation Restores Compassion
Through Reiki, I have seen again and again that when the body begins to regulate, compassion naturally returns. As the breath deepens and the heart chakra softens, tears often surface. And with those tears comes gentleness. The same person who walked in criticizing themselves begins to acknowledge how much they have been carrying. They soften toward their own exhaustion. They recognize that their reactions make sense. Nothing about their circumstances may have changed, but their internal state has shifted. Once the body feels safe, self-compassion no longer has to be forced, it rises organically.
This is why I believe so deeply that healing is not just cognitive. It is not just affirmations or positive thinking. If your nervous system is overwhelmed, your body will override even the most beautiful mindset work. Regulation creates the foundation where self-love can actually land. You are not failing at self-compassion. You may simply be dysregulated.
How to practice self-compassion when you’re overwhelmed
If you notice harsh self-talk rising, try pausing and placing one hand on your heart and one on your lower belly. Close your eyes and lengthen your exhale. Instead of asking what is wrong with you, ask what your body needs in order to feel safe. Even a minute of conscious presence begins to shift your energy field. Safety does not require perfection. It requires gentleness.
Instead of saying “What’s wrong with me?” try: “My nervous system is overwhelmed right now.”
Slow the Body First
Before journaling or mindset work, regulate physically: Place a hand on your heart. Lengthen your exhale. Put your feet on the floor. Step outside for 3 minutes.
Offer One Gentle Sentence
You don’t need a long affirmation. Try: “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
“I can move slowly.”
Compassion doesn’t have to be dramatic. It just has to be honest.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, please know that nothing is wrong with you. Your nervous system is doing its best to protect you. And when you give it space to settle, compassion will return, because compassion is your natural state when you feel safe enough to be human.
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