I have always been an empath. For those of who don’t know what an empath is, “The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective. ... You actually sense and feel emotions as if they're part of your own experience. In other words, someone else's pain and happiness become your pain and happiness.” So, with that being said I always picked up other people’s energy, without even knowing that I did! I was painfully shy and didn’t like being around strangers and often looked at people with skepticism and big doe deer eyes. Most children have a sense similar to dogs, and are generally excellent on picking up the true intentions of other people.
So with being an empath, I often felt out of place or overwhelmed with emotions, so I was easily prone to depression and anxiety. After my father passed away when I was 11, it was a downward spiral of emotions. My mother couldn’t take care of us so she sent us to bounce around living with multiple family members. Some showed unconditional love, while others showed conditional love and were physically and mentally abusive. I suffered from severe depression and abandonment issues and did not get the help I needed. I grew up with the mentality that I will always be depressed. Why couldn’t I be fully happy? Would I ever be able to be loved?
Growing up with Catholic parents (my father was an immigrant and very loving but strict), I ended up growing up Christian. I LOVED going to church and I truly found happiness, if only for a few days. By the following Sunday I was down in the dumps, only to repeat the same cycle week after week. I even talked to my pastor who helped tremendously but I still felt the same a few days later. By the time I was ready to make a permanent change I gave up what no longer served me. I had to unlearn all of the bad habits that I was taught. I was about 25 years old and I gave up excessive drinking and other toxic habits (which allowed me to numb my childhood pain), I gave up smoking cigarettes (after 10 years!), I stopped living the clubbing and bar nightlife (I grew up in Miami), I got myself away from toxic places and people, and I even said goodbye to my beautiful and loving church.
I decided to dig deep inside. Who am I? Why do I feel like I don’t belong? Why am I such a black sheep and don’t fit it? I decided to look into my heritage. I have always been drawn to Native American culture, Egyptian history and even witches! Needless to say, I was not shocked from what I found out. My family’s lineage was indigenous to Central and South America, which is fitting because my father was born and raised in Panama. Luckily for me I was brought up half of the time with his family which taught me about the culture, food, and family, which shaped who I am today. My father was Afro-Latino, so that’s what tied in the African part, even though I am not Egyptian. But what about the witches? I mean c’mon they aren’t real, are they? Well, the indigenous peoples of North, Central, and South Americas, practice some form of shamanism. “Shamanism is a religious practice that involves a practitioner who is believed to interact with a spirit world through altered states of consciousness, such as trance. The goal of this is usually to direct these spirits or spiritual energies into the physical world, for healing or another purpose.” This piqued my interest, and now my being in life is starting to make a little more sense. I became fascinated…
How can I tap into my hidden powers? How can I incorporate my ancestor’s teachings and practices in the real world? I decided to study spirituality and take bits and pieces where I thought fitting. I started going to metaphysical stores to learn more, and even started my crystal collection. I got protective crystals (especially great for empaths) to keep around me and to wear, as well as using palo santo, sage and incense to clear negative energy and promote positive uplifting energy. I then started practicing yoga and got involved in the yogi community. I started learning and practicing meditation. I started getting into Aromatherapy and celebrating the lunar cycles. I learned self-love, real, raw, messy, unperfect, unconditional self-love. I started going to healing sound therapy and even Reiki circles. All of this was working for me! I was staying happier for longer. I was (am) rarely sad. It took a lot more to trigger me. I was becoming strong. I was becoming me. I was writing more (I have always had a passion for writing, and have doing it professionally for 10+ years now) but it was becoming even more therapeutic for me. I started cooking more and becoming healthier and trying new things. I swapped out a lot of things that contained chemicals and toxins for things that are natural and organic. I explored and traveled more. I spent more time outdoors enjoying mother Gaia/Nature. I stared going to acupuncture and getting chiropractic care to help realign me. I began giving gratitude every day for everything. I got into the law of attraction and began reading books about it, shamanism, spirituality, self-help and other positive inspiring books. I even started getting into tarot/oracle cards as divination tools to help guide me. I started listening to my gut instinct and intuition, which has been right all along, I was just too clouded and “unsure” to see it. I ended up loving Reiki energy healing so much I decided to get my certification so I can continue to heal myself as well as help heal other people and animals!
It all started with this idea that I genuinely wanted to be better. It was within me all along I just needed a little guidance. Now mind you, we are always a continuous work in progress. We should never stop bettering ourselves and becoming the best version of ourselves each and every day. I try not to pay attention to the negativity around me and only allow myself to follow positive things on social media and try not to get sucked into the world of negativity. I do still get down now and then, but that is far and few in between. When I get really down after something traumatic happens, I try to bring it back to the beginning and start doing things that make me happy and that initially set me on the right path.
My story is just a brief snapshot of my history. Although we can’t change the outcome of our past, we can change how we choose to view it and we can choose to rewrite our story. We all go through struggles. We all have good times, bad times, happy times, and sad times, it’s just a part of our journey. These are the things that worked for me. They may not resonate with you, and that is OK. We are each on an individual journey and there IS something that will work for you! We may not always be in control of what happens to us, but we do have control of how we react to it.
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